20 Tips - How to Write Good

Some amusing ‘plays on words' from New York Times language expert William Safire and advertising executive and copywriter Frank LaPosta Visco.

The humour comes from the fact that the sentence does exactly what it tells us not to do.

Taken from February's issue of Chinwag International Student Magazine

1. Always avoid alliteration.

2. Always pick on the correct phrasal verb.

3. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

4. Contractions aren’t necessary.

5. Don’t never use no double negatives.

6. Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!!!!

7. Don’t repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.

8. Don’t use commas, that, are not, necessary.

9. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

10. One should never generalise.

11. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

12. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

13. Parenthetical words however must be enclosed in commas

14. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

15. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

16. Subject and verb always has to agree.

17. Understatement is always the absolute best.

18. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.

19. Use youre spell chekker to avoid mispeling and to catch typograhpical errers.

20. Who needs rhetorical questions?

It is worth learning the highlighted words, as this will add to your knowledge of English vocabulary.

Rule 1

❌ Original: Avoid alliteration. Always.

💬 Explanation: Breaks its own rule by using alliteration (“Avoid alliteration. Always.”)

✅ Correct: Avoid excessive use of alliteration.

Rule 2

❌ Original: Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

💬 Explanation: Ends the sentence with a preposition (“with”).

✅ Correct: Avoid ending sentences with prepositions.

Rule 3

❌ Original: Avoid clichés like the plague.

💬 Explanation: Uses a cliché ('like the plague') while warning against them.

✅ Correct: Avoid using overused expressions.

Rule 4

❌ Original: Employ the vernacular.

💬 Explanation: Uses the word 'vernacular' instead of actual vernacular or slang.

✅ Correct: Use everyday language appropriate to your audience.

Rule 5

❌ Original: Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

💬 Explanation: Uses both an ampersand (&) and an abbreviation (etc.).

✅ Correct: Avoid using ampersands and abbreviations.

Rule 6

❌ Original: Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

💬 Explanation: Includes a parenthetical remark in the sentence.

✅ Correct: Avoid unnecessary parenthetical remarks.

Rule 7

❌ Original: It is wrong to ever split infinitives.

💬 Explanation: Splits the infinitive “to split” with “ever.”

✅ Correct: It is wrong ever to split infinitives.

Rule 8

❌ Original: Contractions aren't necessary.

💬 Explanation: Uses a contraction (“aren’t”) while advising not to.

✅ Correct: Avoid contractions.

Rule 9

❌ Original: Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

💬 Explanation: Repeats the same idea multiple times (redundancy).

✅ Correct: Be concise.

Rule 10

❌ Original: One should NEVER generalize.

💬 Explanation: Is itself a generalization.

✅ Correct: Avoid making broad generalizations.

Rule 11

❌ Original: Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

💬 Explanation: Uses a comparison while warning against comparisons.

✅ Correct: Avoid overused or unclear comparisons.

Rule 12

❌ Original: Be more or less specific.

💬 Explanation: Contradictory and vague ('more or less specific').

✅ Correct: Be specific.

Rule 13

❌ Original: Understatement is always best.

💬 Explanation: Contradicts itself by being an overstatement about understatement.

✅ Correct: Use understatement appropriately and sparingly.

Rule 14

❌ Original: Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

💬 Explanation: Massive exaggeration.

✅ Correct: Avoid exaggeration.

Rule 15

❌ Original: Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

💬 Explanation: Uses a confusing and absurd analogy.

✅ Correct: Use analogies that clarify, not confuse.

Rule 16

❌ Original: The passive voice is to be avoided.

💬 Explanation: Written in passive voice while advising against it.

✅ Correct: Avoid the passive voice.

Rule 17

❌ Original: Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary.

💬 Explanation: Misplaces commas.

✅ Correct: Eliminate unnecessary commas.

Rule 18

❌ Original: Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

💬 Explanation: Itself a colloquial expression.

✅ Correct: Avoid informal expressions.

Rule 19

❌ Original: Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

💬 Explanation: Mixes metaphors: 'sings' and 'derailed.'

✅ Correct: Avoid mixing metaphors.

Rule 20

❌ Original: Who needs rhetorical questions?

💬 Explanation: Is itself a rhetorical question.

✅ Correct: Avoid using rhetorical questions unnecessarily.